Wednesday, September 29, 2010

i didn’t die. yet.

But I have been super lazy busy, so I’m going to listen to Willie Nelson and eat chocolate in bed while I cut and paste a letter I wrote to jed on the social networking site known as facebook.  heard of it? no. well, I am pretty much cooler than everybody, so it should be catching on pretty soon. who knows, though, right?

Dearest Husband,

I've decided to send you a message of random things I would normally call you about or tell you when you got home from work. Or shout to you while you're pooping.  Since I know you're probably homesick and really wish I would tell you stuff you'll forget I told you an instant later.

1. I ate some coconut m&m's today. They weren't white inside like a Mounds bar is. They were chocolate colored. Brown. Weird, right? And they tasted just like coconut!  I know!!!
2. I hit my head on the tv in our bedroom yesterday after I bent over to pick up my camera case that was sitting dangerously close to that end of the dresser. Don't be alarmed when you see the three inch gash on my head and the stitches. It's really just a little scab with black dog hair stuck in it.
3. Sam's new favorite food is apple stems.
4. Why do my ears feel wet on the inside after I take out my earbuds? Are my eardrums rocking so hard to ABBA and Chocolate Genius that they break a sweat?  Do eardrums pee?
5. You need to fix that weird fan noise in Sam's room. He sleeps through it fine, but it drives me nuts when I'm trying to sleep and I can hear it in the baby monitor…..”fixit”.
6. Cadence bombed her phonics test today, but her teacher wrote a note saying that that grade brings her overall reading grade to a 97. I know. WTF? She's a super genius, even if she can't spell sail or pail right.  I really hope that’s not out of 1,000.
7. We're having spaghetti tomorrow night. I know it’s your favorite. You can tickle hug me later.
8. Bending over to put Sam in his crib at night squishes my guts. I wish I could just stand him up in there and leave it up to him to lay down and snuggle with blan..............................key! Or maybe platform shoes would help.
9. If I have another dream about people breaking in and me not knowing how to fire the shotgun, I'm going to call you. Even if it's five in the morning.
10. Call me. I miss you.

You’re welcome. 


Tammie said...

glad youre not dead. yet.

i love this list. what would we without husbands to listen to all the inane shit we acquire in our brains throughout the day?

also, i had those coconut m&ms, they were awesome.

Molly said...

I missed you! Glad you're not dead. Yet.
I'm also working on a list for my husband, but it's not as nice as this one.
PS I'm sure it's out of 98 :)

Anonymous said...

Ha, "scab with dog hair" totally cracked me up! Whenever my mother comments on my clothes, I just say the shirt's angora or mohair, without having to kill any animals!

You two are such romantics, writing love letters to each other and all.

Mrs. Sherman said...

I LOVE THIS! You are great. The world needs more people who are goofy!

Henryk Longin Rogowski said...

Interested. I greet..

PorkStar said...

lmao loved this post

Lora said...

And, now I have to buy some coconut m&ms. thanks for that.

Michelloui said...

I have not even heard of coconut m&ms! But brown? That is weird.

What a really excellent list! I could completely see the train of thought, it looked scarily similar to my own. In some ways. Not subjects but style. Ok. Anyway . Enjoyed this!

Anonymous said...

aw. I miss him too, now, and I don't even know him! Seriously, I need to go back to eharmony and look through my 186 new matches that I have neglected for the past month.

hahahaha! I really want to meet someone so I can shout to him while he's pooping someday. Don't take that moment for granted, lady!