Thursday, December 31, 2009

You missed me, SAY IT!

Okay, so the big holiday is all over and my house is almost back to it's usual self. The bins of Christmas swag are stacked neatly in the garage waiting for JG to put them up in the attic until next year and the new "stuff" has almost all found it's place in our home. And since we made a bargain with Ladybug about Christmas gifts this year, the bedroom cleanup is on the schedule for tomorrow. For every single toy that came in the house (even the tiny ones), a toy is leaving her bedroom to make a place for it. That's a pretty good plan, if I say so myself. And I just did. We'll see what happens.

for now everyone is still pretty happy

In other news, I have been Wii "fitting" every day since we got the system this week and I am truly surprised how different I feel. And by different I mean- my butt hurts. And squatting to pick up a dropped anything is almost life-threatening. But in a good way. Like, I might even be able to touch my toes again in a few months here. I'm feeling sore, but bendy. I did a double-take when the BMI meter stopped right in the normal region. I am only 1.3 points off of being at my ideal BMI. This only is totally shocking to me because I am still about fifteen or so pounds heavier than I was before I got pregnant with Sam. So...does that mean I have been living most of my adult life (dare i say it?) underweight??? It can't be. But maybe it's these bodacious boobs I have lately. I swear they weigh three pounds a piece. I tried to Wii jog the other day (don't judge me) and had to put on two sports bras to keep from giving myself a bloody nose.

So I've been absent from blogger for a while. It's a combination of things keeping me away. The incredibly cute six month old baby snoozing in the room next-door, for one. And the big girl is getting bigger and needing me a little less, which frees up more time for projects around the house and surfing the web for things I want to be able to make, but don't have the time because I'm constantly surfing the web for things I want to be able to make. *sigh. See?

Oh and if I didn't mention that I was participating in The Great Interview Experiment (Returns)it's because I have some regrets about signing up. Mostly because after reading the blog I was assigned to "cover", I conked out like Tiger Woods on Ambien and devoured a plate of fruitcake. Luckily, I didn't die OR have sex with a Perkins waitress and my own interviewer was just hilarious and interesting enough to make it all worth giving a go.

You can view the interview I "starred in" over at Growing Up Kaitlyn. James is funny and smart and overall a more interesting person than some people. Most, actually. So pop over and enjoy us and our hilarity as we cross blogger streams with our keyboard/proton-packs.

And tomorrow, I will be posting my own interview of Blogess JQBrat. If you plan on returning for that buttery nugget... have a double shot of espresso before you click. We'll all be needing it.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Dear Blog,

I need to write in you more. 


Thursday, December 17, 2009

yesssss. stuck my finger in poop already and it's only noon-thirty.


Okay. This is so going where you think it is, so if you prefer to keep your sausage biscuit in your belly, look away.  It's just. that. horrific.

After I dropped off Ladybug and friend at the bus stop a few miles away {yes, miles}, I arrived home and discovered Bubs had a shitstorm in his diaper.  So after I handed him to JG and scrubbed the crap from under the new wonky finger, I changed his pants and threw the dirty poo pants on top of the toilet in the bathroom for swishing.  I washed up, kissed JG buh-bye and it was about that time when Bubs started pawing at my shirt for some boob-juice and we settled down in bed for a little nuzzle time and fell asleep.

The diaper waited for me.  They do that.  And usually, I am right there swishing the poo into the crapper as soon as the fresh Fuzzi Bunz hits his sweet cheeks, but he was hungry and we were sleepy and then I just forgot about it.

Best nap ever.  We both woke up smiling and happy and he burped a milk burp when I sat him up and we laughed and Carol Carpenter sang "close to you" in the background. Beautiful.   A moment so pure and strong can only be ruined by a dog.  She came out of the bathroom licking her black wormy lips all smiles and waggy tail with this pep in her step like I haven't seen since the last time she rolled in dead things.  So I totally knew something was up. 

I know you're saying what I was saying.  {oh no she di-in}  Yes. She did. Dogface found the crappy diaper and had herself a little snack.  I kicked myself all the way to the bathroom and surveyed the mess.  Three poopied wipes (we cloth diaper and cloth wipe, and no, we aren't pretentious ass-holes about it) ((wait, does saying that make me pretentious?)) and a blue diaper were on the floor of the bathroom.  Licked. And now there was not only poop in the diaper, but also all over the lid of the toilet seat and the floor.  And Dogface's tongue.

I will spare you the details about cleaning up.  There was disinfecting involved and a whole lot of Dogface's nose poking in asking for seconds and me saying {git the eff outta town, Grossy-grosserson}.  And then there was a conversation with JG about it on IM from his work.  I'm red.

hello biscuit butt
when bubs took a nap, i fell asleep, too. and raven was busy eating shit out of his diaper.
12:15 PM
are you serious?
thats so disgusting
omg. i wish i could say JK
did she eat it all?
no. i wish.
was it all over the place?
i mean, if she's gonna lick it, she might as well lick it all, right?
so. i wonder if the prunes (because it was soooo prunes) are going to be as effective for chope as they were for Bubs.
12:45 PM
thats funny
i hope not
hopefully she doesnt puke
1:00 PM
that's a double whammy
poo puke

Okay, I have to totally ignore the fact that he didn't use apostrophes in his conjunctions.  I am tempted to put them in. *deep breaths*  

Okay. Here's the real kicker: Her breath actually smells better.  But I'm still thinking Santa may not bring that dog-snuggie her-highness put on the Christmas wish list this year.  

wah wah wah wahhhhhhhh.


Tuesday, December 15, 2009

me, too.

I looked in the rear view mirror on the way home from the bus-stop and Ladybug had tears in her eyes and a red face.
What's the matter, baby?
Well, I just don't want you to die.
Oh, honey. You don't have to worry about that for a long, long time.
But I don't want you to die ever. Even when you get old like Grandma Fern.
Okay. I won't.

I lied. I will die. But it will be when she understands better. When she doesn't need me so much. I want to be honest with her. About important things like love and hate and pain. But this can wait. I don't want her to worry about me not being here. I want her to know that I'll be right next to her every time she needs me. And right around the corner waiting when she doesn't.

Her hand finds mine as we step off the curb together. Panic touches her face for a second at the park when she realizes I have moved from the bench. I'm here. I'll be here. Don't ever worry that I won't be.

Will you tell Daddy, too? To not die?
I wish nobody died.
Me, too, baby.

Me. Too.

Sunday, December 13, 2009


I was really stumped about what to write about for my monumental 100th post. For the last few days I have come up with a few ideas and started a few drafts, but nothing seemed to live up to the magic I envisioned for the occasion.

Until I opened my email this morning and found this:

Hi, this is your sister, Michele!

And after the very appropriate exclamation point there was a whole bunch of information about her family and questions about mine and then a phone number for me to call her and then this:

LOVE, Michele

Okay, so you're thinking {big whoop, your sister sent you an email}. Well big-whoop to you, too because I haven't talked to either of my TWO sisters since my father's funeral a long. time. ago. Not because I was mad or anything, but because dad was the sticky goo that held the three of us together. They have a different mom and I live in a different state and I just sort of went home and put that whole part of my life away in a box with a photo and a card and shoved it "under the bed".

But this wonderful internet has brought us together again and she has been looking for me {quote unquote} and did you see that she wrote love in capitals???? She has missed me.

And so Christmas comes early for me. Because I couldn't have dreamed up a better thing to happen to me right now than re-connecting with the only two people in the whole green earth that understand what I feel about my dad.

In other news, I have a new header and blog layout thanks to JG. He was ever so patient with me last night as I looked through fonts and photos and hemmed n' hawed over colors and such. And I couldn't be happier with the final product. Except maybe if it were dipped in chocolate.

As for the content of my blog, I don't see any point to changing things or taking a new path as far as writing is concerned. Here's to hoping the next one hundred posts are riddled with the words frig and wonky.

Thanks for sticking with me.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009


I'm trying a new diet while JG is gone on business {yes AGAIN}. It's a high protein/high antioxidant diet. Okay, it's really just frozen chicken nuggets and chocolate covered raisins all day every day. Since there are raisins involved, I feel super healthy. I think I'll toss in a sweet potato with some marshmallows on top tonight for a little variation.


tonight i typed into google: {what will drinking a glass of wine do to my baby}
then deleted that search and retyped: {will having a glass of wine deform or kill my baby}
final outcome: enjoying a well deserved glass of wine


shampooed Ladybug's hair again tonight with lice shampoo and, NO, i don't want to talk about it.


maybe i watched a Bad Girls Club marathon on oxygen and spilled apple juice on the tile two times while Sam napped instead of doing something productive. so. sue. me.


cadence dropped a candy cane in the bathtub while she was bathing {pre-shampoo} and then wiped it off with her bathwaterlogged fingers and stuck it back in her face. i almost said, ick, but i was too tired.


oh my, this is my 99th post and I totally just wasted it telling you a bunch of random crap. i guess i should plan something spectacularish for number 100.


just squirted my face with breastmilk. that's what i get for being curious. and alone.


don't tell anyone i watched trash tv today. thanks.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

"my name needs more x's in it"

Because I can't help but be all sad and sappy when Jed's's another post nobody will thank me for when they get to the end.

Sometimes I read his old livejournal posts from when we first fell in love. Like this one:

{{when she's around, i feel like all my ends connect to something, and begin and end deliberately with hers. it all matches up.}}

Aww. It's so sweet and lovely. I can almost see the heart bubbles floating gingerly above each and every carefully chosen word. We truly dove into our love with fully clothed and holding our noses. I'm lame and lonley for lovey-poo-cakie-pie-hunny-biscuitass and I'm up late remembering the way my stomach seized up and plunged into my heart whenever he was nearby. Every kiss was like a key lime pie- tart and tangy and I wanted to lick the plate at the end. Our hearts were connected by soft, red yarn. Everywhere we were, we were connected by it. Our ears burned on hot telephones at four in the morning because we couldn't say goodbye. Our palms sweat together because we couldn't let go. His favorite smell was me and mine was him and we couldn't breathe in deeply enough.

And then there are the posts from before we met.

{{i think i want to go down to the courthouse and officially change my name to xjxexdx cause then i would be cool. so my whole name would then be, "xJxexdx xMxcxGxoxwxexnx xGxrxexsxhxaxmx".}}

And to think that if we'd met just a few months later, I could very well be Mxrxs. xSxtxexpxhxaxnxixex xMxexaxdxex xGxrxexsxhxaxmx.

I miss you, xJxexd.

ps- he comes back Friday, so you'll have to endure the mucky muck lickery goodness of my sap-sappy sloshiness until then.