Almost Five: A manual

When you're almost five you quite often forget you're not the boss. Sometimes your emotions win the battle against reason and logic and you end up crying over spilled milk. Literally.
When you're almost five you more than likely despise anything related to hair care. Including but not limited to: washing, conditioning, combing, brushing, drying, styling and even touching. Most mornings you're satisfied going to school looking like a mopsy-head. With a dangling barrette.
Almost-five-year-olds are never afraid to wear white shoes after Labor day or black tights in the summer. Whatever they put together is in almost-five-year-old-fashion. Period. And if you don't agree, they cry.
If you're not big on cooking, then you really ought to get yourself an almost-five-year-old. They can live on peanut butter sandwiches with strawberry jelly, but not apricot jam. And if you like the crusts, you're in luck. Corn is a five-year-old's favorite vegetable, but they want it on the cob if you serve it in a bowl and they need you to scrape it into a bowl if you serve it on the cob. They're just that way.
Being almost five means that you're big enough to pour water into your own cup, but not big enough to get your own cup down from the cabinet in the kitchen.
So, if you're almost five...get used to being thirsty.
It also means that you sometimes forget to put on shorts or pants under your hula skirt (or tutu) and you walk around with your Dora underpants showing. No big deal, unless there are boys around. Then...pretty big deal.
Riding in a car is the hardest thing to do when you're almost five because you get bored really fast and you have to keep asking how far the place is that you're going. Almost five-year-olds like to look at books in the car to keep themselves busy, but don't let them do that because they might get car sick and barf. Or cry about almost barfing. Or tell you to go slow so you don't make them barf. Or just make barfing noises and hold their hands over their mouth to scare you.
And if you think they're just "crying barf", they're not.
Cleaning up your bedroom is a snap when you're almost five. All you have to do is make a pile of toys in the corner of the room and then cover it with a blanket. Even if there are a few rogue socks and shoes in the pile, nobody will ever know it. Organizing is for big people, so if you wait long enough someone will come around and clean it up the right way.
Although it's a bit tricky being almost five, it certainly is a lot of fun. Rocking-out to music and burping out loud after meals isn't nearly as embarrassing as it is when you're almost six.
Oh, and when you're almost five you sometimes tell fibs about eating jelly beans. If you don't want an almost five year old to eat your jelly beans, be sure to keep them near the cups.