Sunday, February 6, 2011

yes, my ankles are still sexy and no, I didn’t have the baby yet.

I get my hair done around my birthday each year.  In between birthdays it gets long.  And boring.  And even though I go for an occasional trim, I really just grow into that long hair funk over the course of the year.  And I don’t hate it, but I certainly love having it renewed.
Last year’s hair:

This year’s hair:
               That’s my “look away sad” face.
I really think this year’s hair brings out the Irish in me.  And when my professional hairstylist/all around cool dude, David, revealed the new look to me yesterday I thought it kinda reminded me of Jessica from True Blood.

Okay, maybe I’m doing a little wishful thinking here, people.  Give me a break, I’m turning thirty-two soon and I’m trying to make this transition smooth.  Someone send me a lacy top and some canned-vamp and I’ll practice my va-va-voom look in the mirror.

Besides the awesome new hair yesterday, I also had my water break.  Okay. Don’t freak out.  I know it’s too soon.  I had a um…scare while in the bathroom of the salon.  One that involved a stack of neatly folded paper towels and about two whole minutes of me turning in circles going, “oh god, oh god, oh god”.

It started when I had to pee.  Right after all the color was carefully gooped onto my head and twisted into neat pieces, mother nature came a calling and I excused myself to the very clean, very stylish bathroom.  I hiked up my giant bronze-colored cape and pushed down my capris and sat.  Peeing. Like for an hour because I’m twenty-five weeks pregnant now DONCHAKNOW!  And no, I didn’t put down a seat cover NOR did I tear of pieces of toilet paper to create a butt forcefield.  This place was clean and I just don’t hover after week fifteen.

So I peed out a golden river and then turned to flush and I noticed that I’m still peeing.  Like… peeing.  Not even dribbling or dripping.  It’s just pouring onto the floor. 

                                     Yah. What the eff??

A puddle started to accumulate and I began turning circles like a dog sniffing his butt because I don’t FEEL like I’m still peeing, but what else could it be…..
OH MY GOD, I’m going to have my baby in the salon toilet!!!
Yes, for nearly thirty-seconds I was convinced that the fate of my baby was in the hands of a bunch of hair-stylists.  And the though occurred to me that they would be cutting the umbilical cord with those fancy scissors with the little apostrophe on the handle and maybe there would be hair stuck to the baby and at least the towels at this place are all brown.
But I didn’t have to have the baby there.  Because it was the back of my cape and a long dangly attached belt that had been dunked into the toilet water/river of pee that was causing the trail of wetness all over the floor and the back of my legs and NOT my bag of waters. 


And then later, ew.  Um. One major crisis averted and a new (possibly more embarassing) one emerges. I took off the peepee cape and tossed it in the hamper.  I was in my bra and pants (which were a tad damp in the butt area and still around my still sexy ankles) and I flip-flop mopped the floor with a short stack of paper towels.  Then I put on a new cape, washed up, and looked at myself in the mirror.  Wow, that’s RED.  And all over my face now thanks to the last few minutes of looking down and flailing a bit in a sheer panic.  More paper towels to tidy up the face and I emerged from the bathroom as cool as a cucumber. 

And then I sit back in the twirly chair and say to David, “wanna hear something funny?”

And just for fun, this is how cute my husband’s hair is on the weekends:


Anonymous said...

Wowweee! You're lookin' hot, lady! And you're my hero. I would have melted and screamed and yelled before figuring out the problem and the whole thing would have ended with me apologizing way more than a human should ever apologize and all those hair stylists comforting me and patting my shoulders trying to make me feel less like an idiot. Well done, Cucumber.

P.S. Love the hubs' hair too.

P.S.S. I'm getting my hair colored for the first time over spring break. The grays are peeking through and even though my hair lady says I don't need it yet, I need it for me. So I'm getting it. And I hope I look half as hot as you, youg'n.

Brooke said...

You are beautiful! Love your freckles. And my goodness, that's a story to cherish!

TERESA said...

Ha, ha! That's a great story! Glad your water didn't really break, but now you have an awesome "I almost had my baby at the salon" story to tell. Love your blog...glad you're back!

Sara Louise said...

What a story! I would have had full panic stations on but at the same time probably would have hid in the bathroom.
Your hair color is lovely by the way

Tammie said...

love this and i love love love the hair.

and im oh so glad you didnt have to have your baby in the hair salon.

Tristachio said...

I'm pretty sure if you had your baby in the bathroom of your Salon it would automatically entitle you to a life time of free hair cuts because, really, you just had a baby on their floor. I think that's the birthing rules.

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

Love the hair ....and your hubby's.

Tristachio says above that having the baby there may have given you a free life time of cuts. Man I'd consider having a baby just for that reason alone!! :-)

MaryAnne said...

Fabulous hair! I always wanted freckles like that...

julochka said...

ok, i hated to laugh at your panic, but that was pretty funny. tho' i'm sure it was quite frightening at the moment it happened.

i wonder if pregnancy makes one want red hair...i too when red when i was pregnant. henna, to be all natural and such. come to think of it, i really rather liked that.

erin said...

I always say I'm going to do something with my hair and I still do the same thing-nothing.

And once upon a time one of my aunts took a photo of my daughter Olivia in to her hair doer so she could get her hair dyed the same color. It was kind of weird, but not really?

You're Lucky I Don't Have a Gun... said...

at least your baby would have had a wicked perm.

Sunshines Silhouette said...

This post made my day. By far the one of the funniest things I've ever read. You had me laughing out loud which rarely happens to me lately.

Your hair looks amazing! and I think you're much more beautiful then the girl from True Blood. BY FAR.