warning! avertissement! advertencia! 警告

   The advertised weight of a weatherproof sleeping bag lined in flannel boasting toasty toes in weather dipping into the thirties (f) is six point five pounds. When the tag of the peed-upon sleeping bag warns you not to put it in a top-loading washing machine, believe something bad is going to happen if you do.  Even if you cut off the strings that are supposed to keep it all rolled up.  Even if you remove that  tag (possibly under penalty of the law) before you cram it down into the washer with the handle of a broom, toss in  a DO NOT EAT soap pod, and slam down the lid like a boss. Something. Bad. Will. Happen.  Perhaps you’ll step in a puddle and go chasing after one of the dogs (probably the littlest one because let’s face it he’s the biggest asshole) with a wet rug in your clutches because last time the rug was wet it was his fault….wait a minute….what’s that banging noise?  

   The estimated weight of a weatherproof sleeping bag lined in flannel boasting toasty toes in weather dipping into the thirties (f) is two hundred forty six mother fucking pounds.