Out from under my rock.

I am Stephanie.  

I have three perfect children who are often dirty, loud, and gassy.  That’s okay.  I’m not asking you to like them. 

I can juggle three balls exactly two times around and hypnotize a chicken.  Not at the same time. 

I can’t whistle with my fingers in my mouth.  Which is a shame because that’s pretty bad-ass. 

My biggest fear is yawning too long while behind the wheel of a motor vehicle thus rendering me temporarily blind at the wrong moment and causing a fatal accident. 

I believe every dog deserves a chance.  Or two or more.  And that every cat can and will attack without warning.  It’s just a matter of time. 

I am a member of the Church of Being a Good Person and I’m a card-carrying supporter of                    Marriage Equality/Human Rights/Gender Equality. I have my own printer. 

I’ve been known to faint at the sight of my own blood and barf when someone else barfs near me.  I’m gagging right now. 

I don’t eat pigs or turkeys, but I’ll smear a pickle with peanut butter any day. You’re gagging right now.  

Sometimes I wake up and want to look good in a bikini, but then I smell cookies and forget about it. 

I’m a coffee lover, tea liker, eggnog hater.  

I have a hard time saying no when people ask me favors.  My stance on abortion is your body is none of my business. Unless it’s on me. 

My kids are vaccinated and if your kids aren’t, I don’t really care.  

I have lived in Florida my whole life.  

My favorite condiment is hot sauce.  

I’m worried that someone I love will die of cancer. 

I don’t think Obama is a bad president.  I’ve lost ten pounds since February. I rounded up from nine.  

My son has Sensory Integration issues. 

My favorite color is green.   

My mother is sick.  

My father is dead.  

I miss them both. 

I desire to see the Pacific Northwest and go on a honeymoon with my husband.  At the same time is fine.  

I love reading.  

If you’ve borrowed a book from me, I still know you have it.  You can keep it.  I bought a new copy.  My favorite is East of Eden.  Get your own.  

Paul Newman.