And now I review movies.

If you're not fond of crying and feeling like an idiot about it, I don't recommend watching Marley and Me. I had absolutely no desire to go see this little gem at the movie theater and put off watching my husband's downloaded copy until all that was left on the list of downloads were old werewolf movies and a few westerns. (Husband is hitting a ten on the man-scale these days when it comes to television shows and movies. If anyone is clean shaven in it, he doesn't want to watch.)

So. As much as I love a good werewolf flick (and my standards are realllly low for this genre), I decided that two in the afternoon with the little Ladybug darting around in her ballerina costume was probably the wrong time for disembowelment and gratuitous boob shots. Crazy werewolf hippies.

Marley and Me it was. My husband was down, which surprised me (see strict five o'clock shadow rule above) and we settled down for a "safe" movie that wouldn't scare the tutu off anyone flitting about randomly.

If you like the kind of movie that spans the life of a character, i.e. Benjamin Button, Forrest Gump, Gremlins... you may dig M&M. While the incredibly cute dog Marley is the star of the show, you can't miss the lives of Jennifer Anniston and Owen Wilson transforming and maturing in the foreground. There are career moves, real-estate changes, unexpected pregnancies and sickness sprinkled with dog poop and chewed mini-blinds to keep it all funny and easy going.

Until one certain point when my husband and I turned to eachother and said, wow, this isn't funny anymore. And then it started to suck. Because although Jennifer Anniston having post-partum depression or regretting exchanging her career for motherhood isn't enough to bum me out or make me cry, an old sweet dog that used to eat/poop mangoes almost dying like THREE times will totally make me bawl my eyes out. Apparently.

And then, sorry if you haven't seen it, but he friggin dies at the end. While it is no match for Old Yeller or Harrry and the Hendersons, this movie ripped my heart out and made my husband use up like FOUR tissues. (Three westerns, one Frank Miller film, and a Dog the Bounty Hunter marathon later and he is finally back on top of the man-scale again.)

Enter fairy-princess-ballerina who's all like, "What's the matter?" and "Why are you sad?" and then she starts getting worried that the world is coming to an end and we had to tell her that we just saw a sad movie and we're wussies etc. so she wouldn't have to finish off the box of Puffs Plus.

Then we both looked over at old black dog snoring on the end of the couch and started feeling all melancholy and husband crawled down to cuddle her and I started regretting every time I whacked her with the pillow for licking her butt in the middle of the night next to the bed.

Basically, if you enjoy dogs at all you'll cry. If you're one of those people who are pulling for Jennifer Anniston to find true love and have babies before her biological clock crumbles into a pile of Rolex dust, you'll cry, too. Either. Or. I don't care if you think your heart is made out of marble. Marley will break you.

Just a warning.


And here's my 84 year-old dog. She's alive. If you look hard, you can see a little white in her eye. She hated Marley and Me, too.