Viva Las Vegas

In less than three weeks my husband will be on his way to Las Vegas for six days to attend a conference of his peers and I will be here with the two kids and two dogs and a cat. And fish. The fish don't really worry me so much because last year during this conference I forgot to feed them pretty much until the day he came home and they were all fine. The little orange one was getting fat, anyway, so I guess I did him a favor.

The kids and furry pets are who I'm really concerned about. I mean, I've never tried going a week without feeding the dogs or my kids, but I can't imagine the outcome would be as easy to explain away as was the skinny fish.

You're thinking that feeding kids and dogs and a cat is easy. And you're right. It really isn't the food I'm worried about. I mean, Ladybug is creeping up on six and is still satisfied noshing on chicken nuggets and grapes. And of course Sam is easy to please because I'm carrying around a seemingly bottomless supply of Royal Jelly type milk and he's not in any danger soon of getting orange-fish-skinny on me.

It's not the nourishment. It's me. I'm not ready to fly solo just yet and six days is looking a lot like eternity. And it really doesn't help that I mentioned my fears to JG and he said, "Yeah, I am worried, too,". See. Even my biggest supporter knows that I'm going to be stretched to my ultimate limits during these six days and that he may be eating roasted Miniature Pincher at his welcome home dinner. It's stressing me out so much just typing it all out. SO much that I have already finished my chicken breast lunch and am eating straight out of the cookie-dough ice cream carton. (For the record, I thought about eating yogurt first, but then said eff it.)

And as if the length of his absence isn't enough, it happens to fall on (sit down folks) THE FIRST WEEK OF KINDERGARTEN. Like. Breathe. This is an important day. And I'm pretty sure the teachers frown on dropping your kid off with a coffee mug full of Shiraz in your hand these days. So keep your fingers crossed for me people. I'm new here!

Parenting two is different. I applaud anyone who has mastered or gives the appearance of mastering the art of it all. Especially people like my sister in law who does it alone quite a few days out of the week while my Firefighter brother-in-law is saving people's lives and shit. And she works full time and has two dogs. I mean, thanks for showing me up, Jens....

Maybe I'm paranoid. Maybe I'm overreacting. Or maybe, just maybe, I'm a tad bit jealous that my husband will be sleeping without interruption for five nights straight in an MGM Grand hotel suite while I try to juggle our semblance of a routine at night by myself. On breast milk stained sheets, no doubt.

Now I've tried to remain calm while explaining the trip to friends and neighbors in person, but trust me when I say all of you will be getting that call for the help you offered. So. Keep your phones handy, people. I'm cashing in my favors.