Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Viva Las Vegas

In less than three weeks my husband will be on his way to Las Vegas for six days to attend a conference of his peers and I will be here with the two kids and two dogs and a cat. And fish. The fish don't really worry me so much because last year during this conference I forgot to feed them pretty much until the day he came home and they were all fine. The little orange one was getting fat, anyway, so I guess I did him a favor.

The kids and furry pets are who I'm really concerned about. I mean, I've never tried going a week without feeding the dogs or my kids, but I can't imagine the outcome would be as easy to explain away as was the skinny fish.

You're thinking that feeding kids and dogs and a cat is easy. And you're right. It really isn't the food I'm worried about. I mean, Ladybug is creeping up on six and is still satisfied noshing on chicken nuggets and grapes. And of course Sam is easy to please because I'm carrying around a seemingly bottomless supply of Royal Jelly type milk and he's not in any danger soon of getting orange-fish-skinny on me.

It's not the nourishment. It's me. I'm not ready to fly solo just yet and six days is looking a lot like eternity. And it really doesn't help that I mentioned my fears to JG and he said, "Yeah, I am worried, too,". See. Even my biggest supporter knows that I'm going to be stretched to my ultimate limits during these six days and that he may be eating roasted Miniature Pincher at his welcome home dinner. It's stressing me out so much just typing it all out. SO much that I have already finished my chicken breast lunch and am eating straight out of the cookie-dough ice cream carton. (For the record, I thought about eating yogurt first, but then said eff it.)

And as if the length of his absence isn't enough, it happens to fall on (sit down folks) THE FIRST WEEK OF KINDERGARTEN. Like. Breathe. This is an important day. And I'm pretty sure the teachers frown on dropping your kid off with a coffee mug full of Shiraz in your hand these days. So keep your fingers crossed for me people. I'm new here!

Parenting two is different. I applaud anyone who has mastered or gives the appearance of mastering the art of it all. Especially people like my sister in law who does it alone quite a few days out of the week while my Firefighter brother-in-law is saving people's lives and shit. And she works full time and has two dogs. I mean, thanks for showing me up, Jens....

Maybe I'm paranoid. Maybe I'm overreacting. Or maybe, just maybe, I'm a tad bit jealous that my husband will be sleeping without interruption for five nights straight in an MGM Grand hotel suite while I try to juggle our semblance of a routine at night by myself. On breast milk stained sheets, no doubt.

Now I've tried to remain calm while explaining the trip to friends and neighbors in person, but trust me when I say all of you will be getting that call for the help you offered. So. Keep your phones handy, people. I'm cashing in my favors.

8 comments:

The Panic Room said...

I will be alone with 2 in 3 weeks when Cole goes back to work. I just shit my pants when I typed that. you will be great. plan a playdate with us during that week? you are more than welcome...

Stephanie Meade Gresham said...

heheh. You just said playdate. oh, and I'm relieved Cole is going back to work. It means my husband can stop buzzing his hair on the back porch and start growing it longer than an inch again.
Halle-friggin-lujia!

Megameghan said...

I wish Disney would build a monorail from my house to yours. I'd come keep you company all day every day while I let Cadence spill all her secrets to me in which I will inevitably tell you because FIVE YEAR OLDS SHOULD NOT BE TALKING ABOUT CRYING OVER BOYS THEY MEET IN THE LIBRARY. Ahem. While I am carless, feel free to steal me away from my tiny & lonely downtown apartment. And p.s lets dinner this week again.

Stephanie Meade Gresham said...

Meghan. This sounds amazing. Maybe even a sleepover?? I will come get you.

Jens said...

You'll be fine and do great and then Jed will come home again and you'll be all "Get out of my way you're messin' up my groove, man." Well, at least that's how it works at my house... :)

Mme Paulita said...

You can do it!

but just to let Jed know..I held onto to the fact that my dad wasn't at K with me for a VERY long time...well into college(he was out of town on biz)

I also held onto the fact that I didn't get a hot wheels as a kid either

Miranda said...

We can hang out. Alex misses your lil one.

L.R. M-J said...

You.Are.Funny.

Came by way of The Panic Room...I love parents who are honest about how tough it is being, well, a parent!! I don't even have human children (though some have accused us of giving our Freya--parson russell dog-child--a better life then many children) and look with envy at people who seem to have it all together as my T-hub & I navigate our quagmire of life!
Good on 'ya and hope the hubby brings you a damn fine gift or freebie from Las Vegas!