Monday, August 16, 2010

Do they make pink straight jackets?


At the risk of sounding like a complete nut-job, I’m going to tell you a secret. And by secret, I mean something my husband recently yelled at my from the dry side of the shower door on the morning of my son’s first birthday.   *YOU NEED SOME FUCKING HELP!

And no, not you.  Me.  Well.  Probably you, too but this is my blog.  Not So-s0 Tammy’s or So-so Brumhilda’s.  You clicked here to read about me and today we’re going to talk about me and my problems so just suck it up and read or go HERE instead and see some disturbingly hilarious photos of a domestic dispute and laugh till you pee.

But stay, because I’m having problems and you leaving right now is just making them worse.

I made a doctor’s appointment.  One with the physician I’ve only ever seen twice and fifty percent of those two times I cried. The first time I was pregnant, so there’s my excuse.  She was all quiet and nodding and smiling and trying to be supportive, so I just carried on about hormones and “i’m sorry, i’m so emo right now” and she nodded because she has a daughter “emo age” and I tried to laugh but snot bubbles came out.  Long story short, I was fine and no medicine or straight jacket necessary. Phew.

Next was a sinus infection. No tears. Double the snot. Antibiotics. Woot.

So. I just scheduled my third appointment for Thursday.  Why? What are my symptoms? I can’t really say.  Maybe it’s nothing. Maybe it’s something. I just want to know if I should be crying every day or if maybe that’s not normal. And the yelling? And maybe do something about the filthy words that come out of my mouth every time I drop a something or stub a toe or what have you.

Fucka-duck, doll’s balls, shitburgers et friggin al.   Just because I’m adding PG words into the mix and rhyming my expletives with children’s play things doesn’t make it okay.

JG’s been encouraging me to see someone about my “issues”.  I made the call.  I didn’t know where to start, so I just dialed Dr. Quiet to avoid starting over with someone new who hasn’t seen my cry at all. 

Reception: Doctor Quiet’s office

Me: Hi. I need to see Dr. Quiet.

Reception: Okay. What’s your name?

Me: Stephanie Meade Gresham (don’t Google me)

Reception: Okay. Is there anything specific you’re seeing the doctor for?

Me: Don’t end a sentence with a preposition.

Reception: Excuse me?

Me: I might be going crazy.

Reception: Um. Do you  need a physical?

Me: Yes.

Reception: Okay. Anything else?

Me: Yes. At three o’clock every day I cry. And people say I am being mean a lot. What the shit is that all about, right?

Reception: Anxiety sound good?

Me: No. It sounds perfectly horrible.

Reception: I mean, that’s what I’ll put you down for.

Me: Do you not know what a preposition is? And where it’s not supposed to be?

Reception: Let’s go with Anxiety. Thursday at 9:15, mmmkay? We’ll see you then.


Cross your fingers for me.  There’s only one thing that makes me cry more than my usual daily fit of tears and that’s talking about my usual daily fit of tears.  Dr. Quiet is in for a treat.



*On the wet side, there might have been tears, moaning, and head banging on the shower wall. I was stressed. And can’t a girl shower ALONE anymore???


Moooooog35 said...

You had me at "go HERE instead and see some disturbingly hilarious photos of a domestic dispute and laugh till you pee."

Anonymous said...

If they make pink ones, would you be so kind as to buy two, and send one my way?

Teasing aside, I just did that same thing, tears, swearing, etc. Except I didn't have it in me to make my swearing rhyme.

My doc diagnosed 'mid-life crisis'. Wtf is that? And how do I make it stop???

D'Arcy said...

See, I self-diagnosed as "mild post-partum depression" Also "post-Caesarean stress disorder" (I seriously read about that somewhere, and it was so me) Making the appointment with Dr. Quiet was probably an excellent first step.

Enough psychological diagnosis from someone who a) has never met you and 2) has no psychological expertise whatsoever. Off to look at photos that will make me laugh till I pee.

Octohawk said...

I find that lately if I cry, it's at random times for seemingly no reason. I don't feel it coming, it's not preceded by any rational thoughts or reasons to cry, it just happens. It's been a little better since I've been on a mild dose of progesterone lately, so I'm guessing it's hormonal.

Good luck at the doctor. It's probably not brain-AIDs or anything, so you will probably be ok and things will get better in time. Being proactive about it is the first and most helpful step, and you've already done that.

P.S. my word verification is "entach" which sounds a little like "intact" which you should be feeling soonish.

JG said...

I've been feeling like I need to go talk to someone lately. I went to a guy for a few years when I was younger who helped me out quite a bit. I might look him up and see if he's still practicing.

Hopefully he is, if I find out he died or something, I'll be really screwed.

Luann Lee said...

holy crap, if i hear my husband tell me to go to the doctor to get help one more time i will seriously lose it...still waiting to make my call..guess i am more nervous about what i may find out! let me know how it goes!

Regina said...

I know exactly what your talking about... and Jess and I have this conversation atleast twice a week. You know, the crying for nothing, the outbursts, and so on.. we've concluded that, it's life, hormones, our ages, and the load we carry every day! This shall pass, it's normal! I mean... thats what we've concluded!
Over the counter "b" complex pills helps with your mood. The potty of soap in the mouth!

l'ananas said...

Paxil is fun. That is until you decide to try for a baby and give iy up, along with booze and caffeine. That, my friend, is not so much fun. Good luck!

Lora said...

I had the same thing when my son was about 1ish years old. 2.30, every day I'd lose my shit.

You know how some people need a coffee or snack? I needed privacy. Enter the bathroom at my job.

I ended up switching birth control pills and upping my weekly dose of therapy to twice a week and I came out of it after awhile.

Good luck!