If you find out some bad news from your doctor about your baby-making parts, I don't suggest going home and Googling any of the big words he uses during the consult. You'll end up white-knuckling your cell phone in a manic text-message session with your sister in law. Because surely the self-proclaimed "neurotic" one of the family will be the one to text you down off the ledge you're perched upon. I mean, since Google is already certain you have death "in-the-bag". Why not, right?
But, seriously. Internet searching when you're in the first stages of some new-to-you medical disaster is not what I recommend.
I celebrated my disturbing appointment with Dr. Bajingo by cruising the drive-thru of Taco Bell for some diet tacos. Yes. I said diet tacos. And I ate two, because they are delicious and em...good for you.
I also went to Target with Sam and he barfed Linda Blair style at the checkout counter. The lady behind me was creepin a little too close, apparently, because she got some on her flip-flop and I was all like...so sorry it's just hot milk here's a baby wipe...and stuff.
I arrived home in time to catch the baby swing doing it's possessed by demons thing where it works when it's not turned on and won't turn off even if you rapidly crank the switch on and off and on and off. Yeah. Weird. Made me nostalgic for the projectile puking at Target.
I stripped-down baby to his birthday suit so I could wash off the barfy smell and then ran a little sinky-bath while I held him and gathered the towel and suds and stuff. I know. Stupid. Gather stuff first, then strip baby. Hold baby over toilet should come next. I got myself peed on. Right after joking with him, "please don't pee pee on mama". Sometimes I tempt fate. That's just how I roll.
Peed on. Barfed at. Taco lettuce in my lap. Yeah. Not bad for a Friday. Oh, yeah. And I'm trying really hard not to get cancer, too. Starting today. Because all the other days I was thinking I wouldn't have to worry about it.
And sorry if I offended anyone by saying bitch.
Have a nice weekend.
Rest In Peace, Megs
17 hours ago